


The Poor Man's Poetry

by Fuzztacular



Series: Hung Up on Haiku [1]
Category: Devil May Cry
Genre: Dante's rude language, Gen, Shower thoughts at their finest, this was fun to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-07-31 21:20:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20121844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fuzztacular/pseuds/Fuzztacular
Summary: You debate Vergil.There is only one winner.Read to find out who.





	The Poor Man's Poetry

It all started with one little comment which soon turned into a rather long debate. You had been reclining on the Devil May Cry couch, candidly practicing sketching, using the twins as your models as they went about their business, i.e. preoccupying themselves with whatever they could find at their desks while waiting for something to happen. Vergil had been reviewing some paperwork, preparing to file it away, while Dante was rereading a Guns & Glory magazine for the nth time. Apparently the glossy photos of the varying firearms just weren’t doing it for him today as his mind had started to wander over to you as it so often did. 

Seeing you fast at work quickly caught his full attention. Ever since you had agreed to start a relationship with him, Dante made it his life’s work to support you by any and all means. “Whatcha got over there Sweet Thing?” He called to you over the softly crooning jukebox, bringing both you and Vergil out of your trances to glance at him.

Your eyes drifted back to your pastime, “It’s nothing Dante, just trying to work out this perspective.” He was at your side in an instant knocking your pencil away and snatching up your pad of paper. “Hey!” You objected but knew in the back of your mind this was coming. Your boyfriend loved your drawings and took every opportunity to praise your work and boast to anyone and everyone in the vicinity. 

“Will you look at that,” he mused in awe. “I swear you’re getting better every day. Soon you’ll be the next Van Gogh, maybe Da Vinci, or Jim Davis at the very least. Look at how good this is Verge!” 

You scoffed at how ridiculous he was but before you could continue Vergil broke into the conversation after taking a peek at the offered piece. “As much as there is improvement, you shouldn’t get ahead of yourself brother. Each of those artists was proficient at many forms of craftsmanship, well, maybe except for the latter, but the point still stands. Branching into other mediums would prove fruitful.”

Well, that was kind of rude. Again, before you could speak up to defend yourself Dante was already firing back. “And what would you suggest, Mr. Critic? Let me guess, poetry since you’ve got such a hard on for it?”

Vergil glared at the snarky twin in warning. This was going nowhere good, so you scrambled to distract the pair before the situation could escalate. “Hey, would you look at the time; we should be heading over to Fortuna now, right? Don’t want the rest to be waiting on us for dinner!” With one last glower towards each other, the men parted as Vergil stood, gathered Yamato, and drew it. He turned, giving himself more room and created a portal to the orphanage’s front porch with a few quick flicks of his wrist.

After a succinct knock on the door, Nero was there ushering the three of you inside. You were led to the deck out back where Kyrie and Nico watched over the children playing in the yard. The younger Sparda immediately noticed the dark mood shared between his kin. “What’s got you at each other’s throats this time?”

“I was just about to teach your dear ol’ dad here a thing or two about insulting people’s hard work.” Dante growled. You were going to placate your man in an attempt to keep the peace, but it seemed the twins were insistent on interrupting you at every turn.

Vergil replied with his own snarl, “There was no offense intended, I just meant that your mate would benefit from a more well-rounded set of hobbies. Poetry among other forms of art would be a worthy inclusion.”

Dante childishly blew raspberries at his brother who didn’t take kindly to it in turn. “It’s always been poetry with you. I still don’t see what’s so great about it.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to understand; you’ve always had poor taste and lacked the discipline to truly study anything in depth. Poetry is a vastly underrated art form which I suppose shouldn’t be that surprising with how widely people tend to struggle to learn its intricacies.” The slightly older twin retorted.

“Now hold on for just a second,” You took the liberty to assert yourself. “I disagree with you there. I believe poetry is one of the most accessible forms of art as opposed to painting, music, or dance which takes a lot of effort, practice, and overall ability to master. Anyone could come up with a halfway decent poem.”

There were some confused glances being shared amongst the peanut gallery as you butted into the twins tiff. No one was quite sure where you were going with this or whether it was even worthwhile to argue with Vergil on the matter. The look of horrified indignation on said man’s face was almost comical despite its swift disappearance. “I didn’t realize we had an expert in the literary profession in our midst.” He grated at you.

“That’s the point I’m contesting. You don’t need an extensive knowledge of the subject to employ it. Take haiku for example, that’s one of the simplest forms of poetry and all it takes is a little wit, forethought, and the ability to count syllables.” He huffed in clear disdain for your opinion while the others looked on with mild interest. You pressed on after a brief moment to gather your thoughts. 

“Haikus are poems.

Such an ancient form of art.

Any could perform.”

You raised your brow at the dissenting brother, took another moment to let your intentions become apparent, and continued.

“It’s five, seven, five;

Which is not that difficult.

Now you have a try.”

Vergil recognized your challenge for what it was and squared up to you similarly to how he would in battle.

“This is asinine

And will get old quite quickly.

Your point is foolish.”

Nico snorted out a laugh at the oddity of the situation before she had a go.

“You guys are such dorks.

Vergil, you can’t be more wrong

While she is so right.”

With a bubbly giggle Kyrie spoke up next.

“This sounds like such fun!

I figured I had to try.

I am glad I did!”

You doubted Vergil would ever come to his senses and agree with you, so you attempted to change the subject.

“This is all just fine,

But what will be for dinner?

I’m getting hungry.”

Vergil was lowly growling by this time, clearly done with the shenanigans at hand. Dante chimed in then.

“Hey now, let’s calm down.

We can all agree she’s right.

Let’s order pizza.”

After a brief pause in the metered conversation, Kyrie gave Nero an encouraging smile and slight nod noticing his hesitant demeanor. He briefly counted on his fingers before joining in.

“It can’t be that hard.

Even Dante can do it.

Hard no on pizza.”

With a frustrated sigh Dante turned his pouty scowl to his nephew.

“Fuck off you ass hole.

And why can’t we have pizza?

You’re just a bully.”

You snorted at Dante’s whining prose and rolled your eyes. A slight motion in the corner of your view caught your eye and you found Vergil regarding you with something akin to resigned annoyance.

“What you said was true;

But if this does not end soon,

I will take my leave.”

There were a few good natured chuckles at that. You dipped your head towards him with a slight smile on your face as a show of thanks for his gracious surrender and receiving a more solemn nod in return, before turning to the rest of the party. “But for real though, what are we eating, I’m starved.” Everyone laughed at that and you had even garnered a small, amused smirk from the uptight twin.

After a quick deliberation, dinner was soon decided on. The children were called inside and preparations were underway. The evening settled into the controlled chaos you had come to expect and everyone was all the more mirthful from the fun little diversion that was the day’s lesson in rhetoric. All in all, it had shaped up to be a pretty great day.

**Author's Note:**

> I can't seem to stop.  
Might write haiku forever.  
Someone please help me.


End file.
